I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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