I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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