If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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