..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I touched a dick in church today
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