I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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