I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So here I am, sexting at work.
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