Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
