Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
