she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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