I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
