I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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