Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Randomize
