I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
