It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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