He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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