you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
