please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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