My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The uberlube is also flammable
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
