hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
