If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
