I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
