Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
