okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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