i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
