My cat gives me a boner
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So many bounce houses so little time
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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