just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I had to cum in my sink.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
