and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm having to shit out rocks
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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