Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
sex in a hospital.. check
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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