My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
