quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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