So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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