i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
