halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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