escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
