i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
