I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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