Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
why is half of my head shaved?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
