Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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