at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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