I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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