I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
