I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
