I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
