i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
