Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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