barbara walters just said penis...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
