i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
