Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
