I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
