My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
