I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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