I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
is that a dick in a sweater?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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