i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
