we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
