When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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