that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
