He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
