My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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